There are rotten bosses, silly bosses, stupid bosses, blunt bosses. Actually, all bosses are just bastards! Right? Or maybe not?
Almost everyone has had a disagreement or conflict with his or her boss. For example, you may be blamed for something you did not do. Or you think you have to meet too high and unreasonable expectations. I can think of 10 more examples. But don't under estimate a conflict: it can really get under your skin and some can even lose sleep over this.
Unfortunately you cannot change your boss, only yourself. And now I already hear you say: Well, thanks Heleen! Fine, can I continue with my work now? But, wait there is more.
You cannot change your boss, but you can change the way you deal with the situation. I'm going to give you a valuable tip. Spend some time in his or her shoes.
This works as follows. Look for a quiet spot, at least a place where you cannot be disturbed. Put down two chairs.The 1st chair represents you.The 2nd chair represents your boss.
If you sit in the 1st chair, try to remember the whole conflict situation.What did you feel, what did you say exactly, what did you think, what happened to your body. If you have done this for 3 to 5 minutes, walk away from the seats and come back after a few seconds.
Now take a seat in the second chair. Try imagine the feelings and thoughts of your boss.Take his/her body posture, use his tonality. How would he look back on this situation? Was he laconic? Stressed out? Does he perhaps have a direct supervisor who puts pressure on him? What do you see, hear and feel from this position? If you have done this for 3 to 5 minutes, walk away from the seat and come back after a few seconds.
Now that you have been in his shoes, you have a completely different picture of the discussion. You may come to the conclusion that he is still a blunt and arrogant @ # $%. But where would this arrogance come from? Is it a matter of just shouting at you? Maybe he has trouble managing you?
By spending some time in someone else's shoes, you also make use of the empathic capacities. In addition, this technique offers you a lot of information about the behavior, thoughts and feelings of both of you! Finally, it also gives you the opportunity to have another conversation next time.Your boss may remain an asshole, but you now have the ability to deal with the situation very differently. And have a meaningful conversation at the same time.