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There are team members that you manage, who you rather would not see outside of work. Those team members who always complain. Or those who like to tell you what you did wrong. Of course you don't want to show that you don't like them, so you hold back for a while. After all, you're their manager these days, and that's complicated enough.
If someone at home had acted the same way, you might have started a fight.
But it's different at work and to keep the peace, you don't say anything.
You also have managers who you think don't belong in that place at all. Those managers who are only concerned with their own career. Or those managers who can only manage in a disinterested, derogatory or abusive way.
If someone had treated you like that in a bar, you probably would have made a big fat scene.
But it's different at work and to keep the peace, you don't say anything.
After all, it is your job. The place where you earn your income. And the place where you spend 8 hours a day. Better not have any trouble there. And in addition to that; everyone (including you) has a need to belong somewhere, to a group. So gradually you adapt yourself a little bit. You accept something again, you swallow something again. And meanwhile you are boiling on the inside.
Unfortunately: this does not work. You, who has to lead a team, make compromises to belong to that team - do you think it's strange that your team members have difficulty accepting your leadership? Who leads, shows herself. You as a person are unique. The moments when you now have to swallow or boil inside are situations that are not in line with your values and it is better for you as a manager to stand up for them. When you are yourself unconditionally, without compromise and without playing a role, you are the most powerful person on this planet.
By not keeping the peace, but constructively resolving irritations or conflicts, you command respect. That doesn't mean you can yell at your team members or kick your boss. No, talking things out in a constructive and positive way, ensures that you are in control of the conversation. The other cannot afford to go on the offensive. In addition, talking things out can give a huge relief.
And yes, that can lead to some distance between you and that annoying team member. But if that's a distance dictated by respect for your leadership, than that's a win!